Every news article I read lately seems to link to another article detailing the so-called “flu epidemic” sweeping across America. I see these articles as nothing more than shameless advertising for the drug industry, taking advantage of the predictable consequences of the holiday season, where people get in touch with their inner fatty, eating loads of pie and drowning it with eggnog, followed by a depressing, sudden return to the workplace.
This year, however, the predictions coincidentally seem to be in line with my own personal suffering. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being sick three times in three weeks. That’s gotta be some kind of twisted, world-is-ending type of record. Yay me for being an overachiever even in how sick my body chooses to get.
But it’s not all bad. There are many reasons why it’s good to get the flu. And in my Nyquil-filled body, I decided I would share some of these reasons with you:
- You get to avoid the January posers at the gym clogging up the machines.
- You get to keep your New Years Resolution to exercise more sobriety with the excuse that you need the drunk, Nyquil state to ward off your fever and cold symptoms.
- If you hate your job (doesn’t apply to me but probably applies to you), you get to skip work for a couple days and shamelessly procrastinate on real-world responsibilities in the name of rest.
- You get to scream loudly in anguish and despair in the privacy of your own home when you witness the Lakers losing to the Rockets, the Spurs, and the Thunder, rather than get kicked out of your favorite pub.
That’s all I got.