What she represents.

I saw her today. She’s beautiful.

We’ve conversed a few times, but we don’t have a relationship. She’s a deep thinker. She loves the Lord. We seem to be a lot alike, but our different lives keep us very much apart. At best, we are acquaintances.

My past self would try to score a date, to pursue a relationship. That’s not completely out of the question, as our mindset and desires do appear to match, but the timing is wrong. I need to take care of things in myself before I tie myself to anybody else. I fall in love very easily nowadays. It haunts me in my dreams.

I’m not surprised that people don’t grow up sooner. I lived that life for a long time — living for the moment, chasing the money and the romance, digging myself a deeper spiritual hole. If I never witnessed the glory of the kingdom, I may have never changed my ways. But God saved me, and thankfully I did. It’s time to grow up now, and it’s time to make sacrifices for the sake of a better future and a fruitful eternity.

But the hunger still burns deep. The more I deny myself, the stronger I desire that which I miss — the good parts, not the perversions. I’ve managed to mostly avoid lust and sexual sin, but how long? How long will I last?

There’s a popular meme being shared through social media that says: don’t focus on finding the right person, focus on being the right person. I trust that God’s timing is perfect, and that should I wait patiently on Him, my desires will be fulfilled in their due season. Until that time, I must work tirelessly on being better.

As for the girl and many like her, she represents that which I desire in my flesh and in my spirit. She represents that which motivates me to discipline myself to sculpt my body or to become a master of business. She’s the one that motivates me to get out of my comfort zone and do that which I’d never willingly do if I was already satisfied. She’s represents the one I choose to save myself for when the time is right with me and with God.

She’s represents what Adam and Eve could have been if thee didn’t fall.


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