I’m afraid of making friends.
I’m not afraid of meeting people and becoming acquaintances. I’m very adept at meeting strangers and gaining their trust very quickly.
I can be trusted — promise. But I’m very careful who I share myself with.
It’s not that I haven’t found people that I barely knew who could be trusted. It’s that I’ve been burned by so many people that I thought I could trust on the surface but ended up finding out about their character as time passed.
Lately the people that I call friend are people that God has told me specifically that I can trust. And the circle is small.
Why? Because they can’t be trusted. It’s simply just too early. Most of the time anyway.
I fall in love with people very quickly. I’ll give my right arm for a friend in need, often to a fault. What I used to think was a die-hard type of love was really just a form of codependence. Go figure.
And I find that people I have fallen in love with very quickly seem fit to pursue folly. And I can’t be having any of that crap.
You see, I’ve come to understand that letting go of the wrong people is probably more important than finding the right people. Bad company corrupts good morals.
It may not be true for everybody, but it’s certainly been true for me.
My biggest problems in life have not been from the lack of good people in it worth following (though honestly, there aren’t very many I’ve ever met). They always had something to do with partnering with the wrong people for far too long.
I don’t know what it is. I saw the good in them. I wanted to help them. I believed that by being in their life I could be a difference maker to mine the gold that I clearly saw, even if they didn’t see it on their own.
Truth be told, I have NEVER succeeded in doing this. I’ve planted seeds and watched them grow fruit from a distance. But every time I’ve actually stuck around, it hindered their growth. Worse, it hindered my growth.
So my working understanding is this — unless we get a word from God telling us not to disengage, we are probably better off disengaging from people that are holding us back.
It’s part of following the narrow way.